This post is going to be a sad one, this is my story on the last few days with one of the most special horses I had the privilege of owning.
My very first lesson horse Alf was just a gentleman, the most genuine and loving horse that you could ever come across. He was loved by everyone that met him. However Alfie wasn't able to have a very long stay on this earth.
Alf suffered from sarcoids. They were on his legs, they were big and wouldn't stop growning. I did everything I could to get rid of them. I had the best of the best work on trying to get rid of them but nothing worked. We would be able to kill them off but with in a matter of a few weeks they would be back.
Eventually he started having trouble breathing, very short and quick breathes. I rang the vets immediately and it was determined that the sarcoids had spread to his lungs. He had lung cancer. And there was nothing that could be done. From the time he developed the shortness in breathe to when he had to be laid to rest was just short of 48 hours. I was in complete shock. He was my world, my strength, my heart horse.
I stayed strong up until I had to load him on the float to take him to where he would be laid to rest. You know he walked straight up and on to the float, he was such a sick horse at this point in time and he never once stopped doing what I had asked of him.
I absolutely lost it. I felt like I was betraying his trust. He trusted me to walk straight up and on to that float and had no idea of what was about to happen. But there was nothing else I could do for him, except to take away his pain and suffering and preventing a terrible death that was bound to happen with in the next few days.
I cried the entire way in the car, I sobbed, I screamed at the universe, the pain was horrendous. Once we arrived he walked off the float like the gentleman he was and just waited for me to tell him what to do next. Yep, I cried again. And this time I didn't stop for hours.
I held him while he was put to sleep and craddled his head as he took his breathe.
Once I knew he was gone my heart just ached. I cried for so long. But the days slowly became easier with time.
Loosing a horse like this was one of the most heart breaking things I have ever had to experience, it was like loosing a piece of me.
It still hurts to think about it, and to write about it. But I know I did the right thing by making the hardest decision of my life.
Alf is the reason I was able to start my riding school. Alf is the one who started me off on this amazing journey. And I will keep on pushing harder and harder and achieving my dreams that no one else thought I was capable of, except for Alf. He trusted me and had faith in me, something I will be forever grateful for.